Reaching the peak end of my pregnancy after loss has stricken a bit of anxiousness. At 9 months I can’t help but wonder about the very first contraction I’ll have. It makes me nervous because while I don’t fear the pain of it, I fear how it may trigger my past experience of miscarrying. That first initial pain that preluded the miscarriage, letting me know something was definitely wrong, sits on my mind. Because of that trauma, I’ve been anticipating the initial surge. In fact, I’ve been trying to practice my response and the goal is to immediately find myself in a place of gratitude even in such an uncomfortable state.